Covered In Rain
by zmwester
Summary: Castiel arrives at Dean's motel room, late at night, soaked to the bone, and surprisingly human.


Title: Covered In Rain

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Dean/Castiel

Spoilers: 5x16

Warnings: Cursing, Sexual situation (sort of), Angst

Disclaimer: They belong to Kripke, no matter how much I wish they belonged to me.

Summary: Castiel arrives at Dean's motel room, late at night, soaked to the bone, and surprisingly human.

Covered In Rain

The rain was pounding on the motel roof with such fierce bravado that Dean was certain the mirrored ceiling would collapse in on him at any moment. He was so trapped in his own miserable thoughts that he didn't immediately notice Cas walk into the room, soaked to the bone and shivering. When he did take notice, he furrowed his brow and pondered the sight for a moment. _Cas shouldn't shiver. He shouldn't feel the effects of rain. _ Something was wrong. He sat up on the edge of the bed to face the crumpled and shaking version of Castiel that was now huddled in the chair next to his bed.

"Cas, you okay?"

Castiel merely grunted and clutched at his side. Dean studied him for a moment and reached back to turn on the lamp so he could investigate this curious phenomena a little further. With the darkness extinguished, Dean's heart sank. Cas was hurt. Hurt badly. He was bleeding profusely, and now that Dean gave the situation some thought, Cas had entered the room through the door. Why would Cas **ever** use a door? _He fell, oh god, __**HE FELL**__._

# # # # #

Truthfully, they had all been expecting it for some time. After the run in with Joshua and the discovery that God had deserted them, Cas hadn't exactly been the same. If he had doubted before, that was nothing in comparison to how he felt towards his Father now. Cas had all but given up on everything he'd ever loved or known. All his faith had been shattered that fateful day in the motel room, when Sam and Dean informed him of Joshua's message. If you glimpsed deep inside Dean's heart, you'd see Cas' disappointment mirrored there. God had been Dean's last, best hope. He had let go of his pride to even accept the fact that God was real and especially to seek his help.

Just because you are expecting something to happen, that doesn't make it any easier to deal with when it all comes crashing down around you. Dean was faced with one of his biggest fears now. He had often worried that when Castiel did fall, he would find himself injured badly, because he wouldn't be able to grasp how fragile a human body could really be. Unfolding before Dean's eyes was the one thing he had never wanted to see: the angel he secretly loved, more than his own life, was no longer an angel, and his now mortal life was bleeding right out of him.

# # # # #

After many stitches, bandages, and the awkward moment where Dean all but shredded Cas' shirt in a desperate attempt to get to the wound, the atmosphere in the motel room had calmed dramatically. Though wounded and very obviously human, Castiel was holding up quite well. He had taken the stitches like a man, only screaming once. If the situation hadn't been so dire, Dean would have teased him mercilessly. His first day as a human and here he was, broken and bandaged. It was a sad sight, and it cut Dean to the bone. He knew that if Castiel had fallen, things were not looking good for their side in this battle. Also, he wanted to know exactly what had brought about this fall. They had all known it was coming, but what had been the final straw?

Castiel was sleeping peacefully, the steady rhythym of his breathing soothing Dean's own worried heart. He didn't want to wake Cas, but his mind would not give up on the endless possibilities of reasons Castiel could have fallen. _Tonight, was there something special about tonight?_ Dean searched his brain for the date. Nothing special. Maybe it was something Dean had said or done._ Yeah, probably. Everything always went to shit because of him_. He decided to let Cas sleep, with it being his first day as a human and all, the little guy deserved a fair amount of rest. Dean could get the story of his fall and the mysterious wound later. For now, he would watch him silently from the chair and check periodically to make sure he didn't develop a fever.

# # # # #

When Dean awoke, Castiel was staring at him, much like he had the first time they met.

"Cas, how ya feeling? You need me to get you something ? Uh, you okay?"

"I do not require anything Dean, I am just simply having a bit of a time adjusting to the feelings and newly acquired senses that came along with my fall." 

Dean felt as though he'd been punched in the the stomach, **hard**. There was no question now; there was no denying it. His angel had fallen. Castiel shifted his weight and winced a little from the pain in his side. Dean flinched at the sound. Maybe one day he'd get over it, but for now, every sound of discomfort that came from Cas was a nagging reminder that he was fragile and therefore an easy target. Dean couldn't bear the thought of losing Castiel. The angel had been sent here to take care of Dean, to keep him safe; Dean couldn't let him die. He had to protect Castiel now. He had given up so much for Dean and if he had given up his grace for Dean too, that would be more than Dean could handle.

"I feel dirty."

Dean's head jerked at the words. Clearly, Castiel meant he needed a shower, but with the way Dean's brain had been working lately, he immediately took the simple statement as something entirely different. He mentally slapped himself and offered to help Castiel to the bathroom. Castiel rested most of his weight on Dean's shoulders, and Dean was happy to carry the weight. Dean steadied Cas in the middle of the bathroom and turned to prepare the shower when a thought struck him. _How was he going to help Castiel shower?_ All the feelings he'd been hiding, all the attraction, well, it would definitely be on display if he had to soap up Cas' naked body and...oops. Dean prayed for his erection to stop growing in his jeans. _Please. Not now. _The thought had been enough to work him up, so the real deal would be too much. No, he would have to be strong and train his mind to go somewhere else during this. He needed to let go of these feelings anyway. Nothing was ever going to come of them; Castiel was not a sexual creature by any means. Eventually, his human body and hormones might win the battle, but there was no way he'd be gay. Jimmy Novak had been a straight man.

Dean calmed himself, only to turn around and find Cas naked and staring at him with that same expression from before. It was a little awkward, because Dean was having a hard time focusing on Castiel's face, when he now had the angel there in front of him, in all his well hung glory. _Well, who knew Jimmy Novak had been packing such a nice little surprise in his pants?_

# # # # #

Castiel was sure that Dean could sense his feelings. There was no way he couldn't. He felt as though they were plastered across his face now that he was a human. Love and devotion were arguably the strongest of human emotions. Could Dean ever return the feelings? Could he ever love Castiel? Cas had struggled with inadequacy already. He feared that Dean could never love him, because he was not a woman. He could not have been more wrong.

As Dean scrubbed Castiel in the shower, Cas couldn't help but notice how Dean avoided looking at his body as much as possible. He wondered if it was because Dean found his human form repulsive. Dean seemed rushed and uncomfortable. Twice, Cas tried to speak, but Dean seemed rather distracted. He sighed and wished even harder that his vessel had been a female.

Dean was so glad that Cas no longer had his angelic mind reading powers. It was all he could do not to drop the bar of soap, jump in the shower and wrap his mouth around Castiel. Dean had chosen to stay outside of the shower, hoping it would help him suppress the urge to ravish the poor guy. It was helping a little, but certainly not enough. Twice, he had found himself damn near climaxing in his jeans just from rubbing his hand down Castiel's firm chest and stomach. _Get a hold of yourself, man. If you blow your load giving him a shower, you'll scare the shit out of him and he may never come back._

Finally, it was over. Dean had managed to make it out of the bathroom alive, with a freshly scrubbed human Castiel in his arms. He helped Cas to the bed, where he checked the stitches, bandaged him again, and dressed him slowly. Castiel released a contented sigh when Dean was finished with the process, and snuggled up to Dean without realizing what he was doing. Dean's body jolted to life and he twitched a little. Once Cas became aware of what he had done, he jerked his body back, mumbling an embarassed apology. Dean immediately offered to go get food, but didn't wait for a reply. He bolted out the door and Castiel was sure he would never return.

# # # # #

Dean returned, hours later, armed with bacon cheeseburgers and beer. He didn't know much about what to feed a fallen angel, but he knew what things in the world made **him** feel better, so he figured he'd give it a shot. In the Impala, he had given more thought to Cas' actions than he would have ever admitted to anyone. It was more than just the sexual attraction. Cas had saved Dean. He had laid seige to Hell, gone somewhere other angels wouldn't dare. When no one else saw anything worth saving, Castiel did. He was the one who had gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition. He was Dean's personal savior. Dean just couldn't get over the way Cas had leaned into his body; he could feel all the tension and pain melt away from Castiel's body when he had done so. He wanted to make Cas feel like that all the time. Was it possible that by merely touching Dean, Castiel was comforted? _No, that was impossible._ Dean would not believe it.

He handed Cas a burger and a beer and took his seat in the chair, being careful to avoid eye contact. Castiel thanked him, but made no move to consume anything. He eyed Dean carefully, before blurting, "I like the way the shower felt on my skin. It reminded me of the rain. That was the first thing I really felt after my fall. I felt the rain pounding on my skin and I knew it had happened. It was oddly spiritual, all things considered."

Dean stopped mid-bite and just stared at him.

Castiel continued, "It was bound to happen soon enough Dean. And well, I made my decision. I just never expected it to happen the way it did."

Castiel's eyes fell to the ground and Dean's heart followed. _So much for a nice first human dinner. Now I'm not even hungry. Might as well ask now._

"Cas, how did you- why did you- I mean, what made you-"

"Fall? What made me fall?"

Dean swallowed hard, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans, while he nodded ever so slightly.

Castiel chuckled and sighed. "I don't know if you want to know, honestly. Well, there's no reason to lie to you. You've been good to me. In my angelic state, I was mysterious, reserved, and cryptic at best. Then last night, I barged in on you, covered in rain, wounded and needy, and you didn't think twice about helping me. You deserve to know the truth."

"Cas, wait. If you don't want to, if it's too personal, it's okay. I respect that. Hell, I understand that. I've got a few skeletons in my own closet."

"No Dean, it's really okay. You can make whatever decision you'd like after I tell you. If it means that I will have to begin my mortal life without you, then I will do so. I will have no choice, I suppose. I fell because I am in love with you, Dean Winchester. I have felt it coming for some time, without really knowing exactly what it was. But last night, I was fighting an angel and he came very near to killing me in my angelic form. All I could think of was how I had to get back to you and protect you. When I thought all hope was lost, your face materialized in my mind and I knew that I couldn't leave you behind. You are the man who will beat the devil and I had to be here to stand alongside you when you save the world. My faith lies with you, Dean. I completely lost my faith in Heaven and I believe that the moment I shifted all my faith to you, my grace left. You have it all; my faith, my devotion, and for the first time, I understand love. You are more important to me than anything on Earth or in Heaven. If you do not feel the same, I will not question you. I will accept your feelings as they are. But I cannot promise that I will not continue to protect you. I will watch over you as I did in my angelic form. I'll disappear into the shadows and you'll never have to know I'm there."

Dean grabbed Cas' face in his hands, held his breath as he looked into Castiel's tear-filled blue orbs, and smiled the most genuine smile that had ever graced his face.

"Cas. You could never hide in the shadows. You're the brightest thing I've got."


End file.
